Wednesday, May 15, 2019

On Feeling Alive

I don't think you can force yourself feel alive any more than you can force yourself to sleep.  The analogy is illuminating:  like sleep, when you want to set out to feel alive, the best you can do is work on your environment, figure out what does and doesn't work for you, and try to eliminate enough of what doesn't work to leave some parts of yourself deeper than your awareness to do their job [1].

One level of explanation is that the act of forcing floods your nervous system with the wrong kind of hormones.   In both cases, we really haven't figured out artificial ways to get where we want to go that are side-effect free or effective long-term, though there are those who will swear by each and/or every artificial means you can name.

As a strategy for feeling alive it still seems that the best practice is to free up your schedule so you are available when the different variables come together to make these moments possible.  As Thoreau says
There were times when I could not afford to sacrifice the bloom of the present moment to any work, whether of the head or hands. I love a broad margin to my life. 
And Taleb has something useful to add with this aphorism:
The English have random Mediterranean weather; but they go to Spain because their free hours aren't free.
Not only do you have to be physically free -- able to go outside during a perfect hour, and as Taleb shows more days have perfect hours than most people would suppose -- but you also need to be mentally free for the moment when it is presented.  Thus, it is wise to look ahead and not fill your mind with junk, particularly resentments and longings.  

I'll speak from my own case.  While filling my mind poorly doesn't feel that bad at the time-- after most  internet feeder sessions, I  might feel a bit icky, but not that icky --  the real problem is that it cedes future head-space that I could use for beauty.  And feeling alive is worth the sacrifices and the planning ahead.

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[1] Or, I like the thought experiment of seeing those parts as above you, or pulling you up, or along . . . conceptualize it in different ways, as you wish.