Friday, May 31, 2019

A Philosophy of No Comments

If I had not gone through my time of grief -- with my grandfather, father and uncle dying within a year and ten days of each other and then needing to assume roles in the care of my grandmother that most would see as unfair for a thirty year old -- then perhaps I would have comments available.

But instead, the truism "life is too short" hits me in visceral ways that it clearly doesn't for others.  Lip-service is paid to understanding the truth, but people show through their actions that they think they have all the time in the world to waste on arguments with fools and/or those acting in bad faith.  The real problem: a public forum just encourages too many people to perform.  I am not going to participate in a forum of fools, and I sure as hell not going to create one.  While the sidebar states you are the co-owner of the content, and you are, bad people are not co-owners of my time.

On the topic of adulation, I am less sure.  I don't know the balance between the time spent reading comments versus a possible boast in productivity in feeling better about my work.  But realistically, that calculus has more to do with how the rest of my life is going.  And so, on second thought, I'm confident that the benefits are really not worth the costs.  I should just focus on living well.

One thing I think I miss out on, especially compared the comment sections of John Michael Greer or Scott Alexander, is a stream of related books, articles and ideas related to a post.  But then, I do have my e-mail over on the side.  If you have any of those contributions, please do e-mail me.  Ideally, I would also be sent links showing who came up with related ideas before me, or those who just express them much better, so I can update my own post and give credit where it is due.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

The Best that I can Get

On April 20th, I gave up on my Mach 3 razor cartridge and put a new one in.  A big part of why I write this post is to have a record of how long this new cartridge will last.

Extending the life of a disposable razor is one of those rabbit holes that YouTube will happily let you go down as long as you want.  In one of the comment sections, I saw someone claim that his razor lasted for three years, and that the plastic that held the blades broke, making that the only limiting factor against a blade last indefinitely.

This was not my experience.  But I wanted it to be.  I'll admit that I had this comment in mind when I bought a ten pack, thinking "will I really be able to make this last thirty years?  Could these be the last razors I ever need to buy?"

With the ardor of a cheap-skate, I adopted the following strategies: 1) using some old denim to run the blade backwards (called stropping, I had learned), 2) drying the blade and putting it in a Ziploc bag 3) ritualistically removing the gunk from between the blades, either through blowing or picking it out using, say, the lead of a mechanical pencil 4) using vegetable oil as an extra lubricant when I shave (I use regular bar soap to make the lather I shave with.  I am still on bars of soap I collected from hotels when I used to go on more trips.)

I think that items 3 and 4 might be the potential causes of failure, particularly number 3.  I think picking at the blades so much messed with the geometry of the cutting action.  Toward the end, my blade would not cut certain parts of my chin.  I extended the life one more week by taking more than one pass, alternating going with and against the grain, but eventually -- April 20th, to be exact -- I found there were places I just could not shave with the blade.

I am happy to remove some time-wasting rituals now that I have found that they are not just unproductive, but in fact counter-productive.  Such is the way when you go past the minimum effective dose.

Now I only dry the blade after use and seal it up in a bag to prevent moisture coming in.   I am holding off on using denim to strop the blade because there is a school of thought that it can actually speed up the process of dulling the blade.  Also, to make a confession, I am probably going to be happy with how long the blade lasts either way.

After all, let's examine what the real stakes are here.  According to one apostle of frugality:
I know this might all sound crazy to you. But if you’re used to using a zillion dollar Gillette or Schick and you can stretch it for weeks or even months, we’re talking about real dough you’re saving. This is just 1 example of a way to make a difference in your wallet. That money feels better in my wallet than in Gillette’s or Schick’s.
Let's put a more specific number on this than "a zillion" . . .

 If you run the numbers on buying Mach 3 razors, it's about $2 a cartridge.  If I get sixty days out of it, that's already just three and a third cents a day.  At ninety days, it's a little over two cents.  How much cheaper does a shave need to be? Do I really need to get to 200 days, just so the cost moves down below a penny a day?  This is very much a case of diminishing returns.

I'm happy to extend the life a cartridge a bit, especially if it is easy to do, but it's not going to make or break my finances.  The real games are still debt, housing, transportation, and food.  The savings from one home-cooked meal a SEASON could pay for that season's blade use.

Still, all this reading, thinking, and experimentation gives some meaning and interest to something as mundane as shaving.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Unfold this Pearl-like Nugget of Pure Light

If you can item unfold #2  from Venkatesh Rao's newsletter (#1 left for context) you will be enlightened to our present and future:
1/ In principle, capability maturity models (CMMs) are to organizations what learning curves are to individuals, a description and prescription of the path to mastery of a well-defined capability that can be exercised by an organization at a systemic level.
2/ In practice, they are sadly more often a recipe for creating a new layer of bureaucracy in the organization, and a whole new class of face-saving sinecures for failing or plateaued mid-career types to safely retreat to.
See also Bullshit Jobs, Tournament Theory, and The Abolition of Work.

The rest of the piece is also great, hinging on legibility and its discontents, and then offers hope -- for less than 10% of organizations.  Happy hunting.

Friday, May 24, 2019

Giving the Fruit Trees Some Love

I'm very well pleased with my decision to take a break (mostly) from vegetables this year.  It's allowed me to focus more on the needs of the fruit trees.  And while it looks like pruning should be filed under robot work in our great and glorious future, I like having an excuse to go outside.  It's a joy to see the occasional ladybug, or whatever the outside eco-system has in store for me that day (I mean, within reason).

When I was most heavily dealing with grief, I felt the need to walk and wander, and so it was good to have a place like Sutton Wilderness.  But with time, it is often enough to poke around the margins of the grounds to fill my yearning for nature and my sense of wonder.

The eye craves variety, and the hands something to do.  That and getting out on a perfect hour seems to be enough. . . most days.

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Locate the Minimum Effective Dose

Credit where credit is due, I first heard this explained in Tim Ferriss's The Four Hour Body. First, I'll paraphrase the idea and his explanation: there is a minimum effective dose (MED) of sun exposure that you need to get a tan.  That is all well and good.  But once you reach that amount of sun, not only do you not need any more sun exposure to get your result, but each additional unit at least risks something else bad happening -- such as a sunburn, dehydration, cancer.

Understanding the existence of MEDs and thinking about the risks in going over them are crucial  critical thinking tools, necessary to cobble together a good life. (If you have a good life without the need for that critical thinking, then you should be thankful that you were raised in the best of families, one that ignored the culture around them and gave you everything you needed by habit.  For the rest of us, we'll have to think and reflect.)  In the modern world, we are for the most part blind to minimum effective doses, having much to do with the kind of de-skilling necessary to make consumerism (and our job system) work.

Show me a workaholic, and I'll show you someone jeopardizing their relationships with friends and family.  What is more, a workaholic often engages in behaviors that endanger the work itself. From the book Rework by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson (pg 25):
Workaholics miss the point, too.  They try to fix problems by throwing sheer hours at them.  They try to make up for intellectual laziness with brute force.  This results in inelegant solutions.
They even create crises. They don't look for ways to be more efficient because they actually like working overtime.  They enjoy feeling like heroes.  They create problems (often unwittingly) just so they can get off on working more. 
In all things, locate the minimum effective dose.

==

Update.

The MED is connected to the concept of Slack, as presented on Less Wrong.  This comment also helps add domain-specific rigor:

If you work with distributed systems, by which I mean any system that must pass information between multiple, tightly integrated subsystems, there is a well understood concept of maximum sustainable load and we know that number to be roughly 60% of maximum possible load for all systems.
[. . . ]
"Slack" is a decent way of putting this, but we can be pretty precise and say you need ~40% slack to optimize throughput: more and you tip into being "lazy", less and you become "overworked".

Porting My Twitter Over, Part 3

Aphorisms/Shorts

You probably need AI to enforce rules against AI.

(To make at home) Cold brew coffee tastes better, but requires planning ahead.  Normal coffee requires no prior work and has more caffeine.  You know which one wins most days.

"Even the class in the Dead Poet's Society was in rows." --  my wife.

The only thing we have to fear is confidence itself.

"It's the thought that counts" is an expression that was almost certainly created within the context of a family, and it only seems to work in that context.  The fact that so many people today spend so little time or attention in the domestic sphere makes the saying seem to ring totally false.

I've never met someone who appreciated, or even kept, a participation trophy.  Kids don't ask for them.  Kids aren't in charge of the situation. They're not for the kids.  They're for the parents, you idiots.

Complaining on the internet for an hour is easier and has more 1) short term and 2) guaranteed pay-off than spending that same hour working on a problem.  Now, repeat that across our species over billion of total hours . . .

If “show me, don’t tell me” was always correct writing advice, then Shakespeare would never have had asides. And Hamlet would have never said “to be, or not to be."

Being a relatively smart person hasn't yielded too many benefits in my life, but here is one: I have the cognitive skills and the memory to keep track of when people are thoughtful and careful with language to some people and not to others.

You fail to get warmth from 100% of fires you don't start.

Interesting is easier to hack than beautiful.  Hence, prioritize the beautiful over the interesting . . . especially in interesting times.

If the spoilers alone were enough to ruin something you were going to watch, then it wasn't worth watching.

At what point do you start adapting to a new reality, instead of just fashionably whining?

Probably the best idea, as measured by possible utility to the human race, I've had in months.  But, alas, oh alack! -- such is the nature of ideas: they need fertile ground to grow:
Get rid of the free throws in basketball; instead, every second foul place the player in a penalty box for 1 minute of game play. 

Monday, May 20, 2019

Turning Left is Evil

You might even say that to turn left is sinister.

The inability of others to make left turns at a light without coming into my lane is a weekly (at least) reminder of the carelessness and incompetence of those around me, and why I'll never lose all of my misanthropic tendencies.  Is it really so hard to gradually flatten the wheel throughout the turn, rather than taking one sharp stab at it?

More understandable, but also more inconveniencing, is someone stopping the flow of traffic to make a left across several lanes to get to their destination.

It also turns out that left-hand turns are bad for the planet without providing compensating utility. From this article on smart logistics (emphasis mine):

UPS began to study ways to maximize shipping routes to limit time idling and save fuel, getting deliveries there faster by learning optimal shipping routes. ORION is a 1000 page algorithm that can learn shipping routes and use that knowledge to find inefficiencies and streamline the shipping and delivery process.
One of the earliest interventions was doing away with left-hand turns wherever possible. UPS drivers knew this trick already, but the algorithm was able to prove its effectiveness. Utilizing data from GPS, driver habits, and more, ORION was able to save 10 million gallons of fuel annually while eliminating 100,000 metric tons of CO2 emissions and saving up to $400 million in shipping costs by the end of 2016.

Friday, May 17, 2019

Fun with Word Mentions

If you type in "define" as well as a word into google, you will usually get not only a definition and etymology, but also a chart with the word's usage over time.  Here are some words that I think help tell the story of the United States during the modern (post WWII) period.

asshole




So, there has been an explosion of these types of people since World War II, aka The Gasoline War. What kind of society were we building at that time?

exurb




exurbia




For a brief time, it was understood by Americans that they were making something new and different, that those levels of sprawl don't amount to a real connection with the main city we wanted to swoop into for goods and services at command, afterwards retreating to utopian "good neighborhoods."  A new term was coined and brought into usage.  But "exurb" was not destined to replace "suburb."

suburb




suburbia





The cultural suicide of the Big Three Era didn't make the suburb.  It made suburbia.

racism




I think this one is first about the awareness of racism, and then its continued rise in use comes as a cold-prickly-style insult.

awesome



It often takes a non-American perspective to see how ridiculous our usage of this word is.

bargain




Everyone wants a bargain. Also, I just wanted a word to serve as a baseline.  Not every usage has exploded here in the modern era.  In fact. . .

dignity




Yeah. . .

Porting My Twitter Over, Part 2

My Aphorisms/Shorts

The revolution will be upcycled . . . and then modular.  Or it won't be much of revolution, now will it?

I have not lost the ability to dream; I have lost the ability to pretend that other people will follow any of my dreams.

Self driving cars could be called auto-automobiles.  I'd also accept them being called "autobots."

Inside of consumerism, "sufficient luxury" is an oxymoron.  Outside of consumerism, you can live a meaningful life.

I'm only interested in listening to people who listen to other people.

There is enough beauty and wonder to go around.  There cannot be enough results.

The American Ideal is someone who looks extremely fit, but who works constantly at a job where they sit (a seat of power, as it were).

Devil's advocate: these violent video games these boys want to play might be safer than the mythology games our political tribes want to play on anti-social media.

The way nature shows defiance is beautiful, it "defies expectations." The defiance also seems to give boundless energy.  But when some human-type-person who is obsessed with hierarchy shows defiance, is there anything more ugly? Is there anything more sapping?

I'm sick of hating narcissists.  When you do that in America, you almost run out of people.

America: worry about everything while making sure you don't care about anything.

 I propose that we have 73 Five-Day Weeks (73*5 = 365).  We could call the leap year day "Leap Day" and then all of our days of the week would line up every year.

A re-write for Batman v Superman:

After the "space 9-11" scene, start with Bruce Wayne in board meetings with Lex Luthor, plotting to deal with the alien threat.  The arc of the movie would then be Wayne realizing Superman is a good guy, turning on Luthor.  This would allow for Batman to start fighting Superman in Act I, or Act II by the latest.  And it would even give a structural reason for Doomsday to be worked into the end as Luthor scrambles to find a way to defeat the Justice League that is forming in front of him.

Luthor and Wayne would work as foils and commentary upon each other, including daddy issues.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

On Feeling Alive

I don't think you can force yourself feel alive any more than you can force yourself to sleep.  The analogy is illuminating:  like sleep, when you want to set out to feel alive, the best you can do is work on your environment, figure out what does and doesn't work for you, and try to eliminate enough of what doesn't work to leave some parts of yourself deeper than your awareness to do their job [1].

One level of explanation is that the act of forcing floods your nervous system with the wrong kind of hormones.   In both cases, we really haven't figured out artificial ways to get where we want to go that are side-effect free or effective long-term, though there are those who will swear by each and/or every artificial means you can name.

As a strategy for feeling alive it still seems that the best practice is to free up your schedule so you are available when the different variables come together to make these moments possible.  As Thoreau says
There were times when I could not afford to sacrifice the bloom of the present moment to any work, whether of the head or hands. I love a broad margin to my life. 
And Taleb has something useful to add with this aphorism:
The English have random Mediterranean weather; but they go to Spain because their free hours aren't free.
Not only do you have to be physically free -- able to go outside during a perfect hour, and as Taleb shows more days have perfect hours than most people would suppose -- but you also need to be mentally free for the moment when it is presented.  Thus, it is wise to look ahead and not fill your mind with junk, particularly resentments and longings.  

I'll speak from my own case.  While filling my mind poorly doesn't feel that bad at the time-- after most  internet feeder sessions, I  might feel a bit icky, but not that icky --  the real problem is that it cedes future head-space that I could use for beauty.  And feeling alive is worth the sacrifices and the planning ahead.

===

[1] Or, I like the thought experiment of seeing those parts as above you, or pulling you up, or along . . . conceptualize it in different ways, as you wish.

Monday, May 13, 2019

Round Up #17

From Searches and Surfing

Bold prediction on Alzheimer's by a Professor of Medicine at Dartmouth College:
Not only have there been more than 200 failed trials for Alzheimer’s, it’s been clear for some time that researchers are likely decades away from being able to treat this dreaded disease. Which leads me to a prediction: There will be no effective therapy for Alzheimer’s disease in my lifetime.
The rest of the article gives some strong arguments as to why this might be the case.

I had no idea the extent China was investing in the rest of the world.  I really need to start learning more about China if I am going to understand the future.

Speaking of China, Jimmy Carter had this to say
“Since 1979, do you know how many times China has been at war with anybody?” Carter asked. “None. And we have stayed at war.” The U.S., he noted, has only enjoyed 16 years of peace in its 242-year history, making the country “the most warlike nation in the history of the world,” Carter said. This is, he said, because of America’s tendency to force other nations to “adopt our American principles.”
Carter is one of those rare people who gets more radical as he gets older.  And I love it.

#generative on twitter makes me happy, especially this.

How Seven Nation Army became an anthem chant.

The Outline making the case that the Trump presidency has been good for psychedelic drug research.  In our politically polarized climate, neglect has probably been optimal.

Check out the Degringolade Dreamwidth journal.  The dictionary definition of degringolade is "a rapid decline or deterioration (as in strength, position, or condition) : downfall."  Here's a good post to start with.  And here is the older blog before it was moved to Dreamwidth.

Aphorisms and Shorts

When neither side engages in good faith, any instance of being correct is purely coincidental.

Corollary: I refuse to praise tribe-D or tribe-R at this point.

Related: be very suspicious of any take-down that assumes each and every thing someone else stated is wrong.

"We hyper[-]manage our identities. We hurt each other. We go out and buy some shit. Bonus points when we do all three at once."  td0s of Pray for Calamity

Rick Sanchez says ". . . being nice is something stupid people to hedge their bets." But really, intelligence is a way that dark people keep going in darkness longer than they should.

Boston is a riddle.  New York City is an explanation.  (Cribbed from C.K. Chesterton on London versus Paris).

Porting My Twitter Over, (Perhaps) Part 1

I have started reading through my old tweets, deleting the ones that weren't very good, and moving any good ideas over here.

The fact that it is so difficult and time-consuming to move through old tweets proves why this needs to be done: twitter is an inappropriate place to put ideas I'd like to come back to later.

In any case, I had moved through two year's worth of re-tweets, and here are some that I thought were interesting enough to share.

==












Friday, May 10, 2019

Wandism, Probablism, and Godism

I like to draw distinctions between the different ways people discuss issues they do not have direct (or have only a minuscule amount of) control over.  I have come up wandism, godism, and probablism.

Wandism is the way most people talk about issues.  It is like they are saying "if I had a magic wand that could make this happen, here's what I'd like to see."  Another expression is "if I were king for the day . . ." 

I have a tentative, untested theory that people used to distance themselves more from wandism in the past, and that our current culture regime of anti-social media has conditioned more people to speak in the mode of wandism, and without any caveats.  I wouldn't be surprised if that theory didn't turn out to be total bullshit, however.

Godism is what I call statements that would be called wandism except they would require drastic changes to the structure of reality, including human nature (think Communism or Theocracy).  I content that wandism and godism exist on a scale, rather than as a binary distinction.  On one end of the scale, full wandism would be a desired outcome which would stick once it had been enacted one time.  The more times you'd have to intervene to keep your preferred state of affairs going, the closer it is to godism, which would be a constant alteration of reality.

Probablism is a discussion of how likely an event is to actually happen. It is not wishful thinking.  In many ways probablism is the most interesting thing to think about, because it involves the most textures, things to examine, and surprises, but good luck finding people who are willing to have that type of discussion in real life.   Sites like Long Bets, Prediction Book and Metaculus are places to look for the mindset, but even then the discussions themselves tend to be very thin. 

Speaking of prediction, I predict that good faith discussions of the probability of events will never become particularly popular.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Here in My Car

A great song about social isolation, nodding towards the role cars play in exacerbating the matter.



Unfortunately, I think I will be buying a car again pretty soon.  My wife has been pushing me to get one.  I hate them and what they have done to my country, but I think the logic works like this:

IF you live in the 90%+ of the United States
     THEN a car is a kind of time travel machine.

I understand that if an urban area is properly structured for people (see A Pattern Language) the time travel is already done for you, but I am talking about my real world here, not what I would do with a magic wand.

With a car, I'll cast my net wider as I go back to work.  Also, it'll make it possible to work a second job.  I know that to a great extent the second job would be simply paying for the car, but did I mention my wife wants me to have a car again?

Monday, May 6, 2019

Oh, Still a Doomer

I try to make the doomer case less and less because the process of making something deepens your mental associations, understanding, and recall, and I have found I am not one of those people who can function well with constant knowledge and advocacy of our system's weaknesses, or even the inevitability of death for you, me, everybody.  I've spent enough time there, and it isn't worth much to me.

So I don't actively seek out knowledge or rhetoric about doom, but if a real gem in the genre comes my way, I am liable to share it.   I have run into the site Small Delicious Life.  If I were trying to convince someone we are doomed, ie we're not going to voluntarily stop what we are doing until collapse, I would point to the article The Compassionate Systems Theory of Change.  Basically, we are where we are because attention is limited and the structures around us are inertia standing in the way of change:
The way our electricity is generated can lock in orders of magnitude more pollution that we can ever affect by turning our lights off. The way our cities are built can lock in order of magnitude more pollution than we can affect with personal driving choices. We built these systems to cope with our limited ability to pay attention—to think and choose. Changing systems is the most powerful lever we can pull.
I just don't think these systems are going to change.  It's a matter of not being able to coordinate, or convince current winners to give anything up, especially any matter of control.  To go more in-depth on why check out Meditations On Moloch, or Moloch's Toolbox.

My Black Holes

[YouTube of Black Hole Sun, if you want some musical accompaniment].

I) 

Any time I try to make sense my life, and especially what my early 30s were, I will always need to address my two great black holes.  I think I have even achieved escape velocity from their event horizons, which would be impossible if they were real black holes. . . but this is just a metaphor.

The first black hole to mention is my time of grief. In the period of one year and ten days, I lost my grandfather (who was and is my clearest vision of what a man should be), my father , and then my uncle.  Right before the last death, my grandmother had a major fall that left her hospitalized.  She was put in a facility for skilled nursing, and when she came out she had to leave her home of many years and go to assisted living.  My uncle had got the ball rolling on the assisted living before he passed, but as you can imagine my role in my grandmother's care enlarged significantly.

The year and ten days of trauma after trauma was one thing, but the pain dragged out with bad interpersonal relations and coping skills from the survivors.  Grief can bring out the worst in people.  And the more you try to overcome that, the more you can get sucked in, until you are well past your limit.  “If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family,” sure Ram, but also you could see them every weekend, either bunched on one day or spread out between Saturday and Sunday. . .  In any case, it wasn't part of the healing process, at least not for me or my wife.  I could have used that time, but more I needed the energy and emotional space.  That's black hole #1.  If I can dare to say I have escaped it, that has only happened recently.  For two years, I couldn't really function, and it's been a slow, almost imperceptibly slow, build up since then.

The other black hole was coaching debate.  It was a great way to work 80 to 100 hour weeks, with sub- minimum wage compensation for the extra hours beyond my teaching contract.  But payment wasn't really the problem; that's just the most persuasive thing I can say to convince most people why I left.  The real deal was that I lost the faith. . . When I started out, I believed in the activity and its meaning.  I thought it was a way to help young people find the life of the mind, and move beyond pettiness.  I thought I was making real ground, on growing a community, and that I could be part of it and belong. When it became clear to me that it was just a cesspool of elitism my reason for continuing collapsed.

While it's sad to know so much of my effort has been wasted, it shows how hard I can work and how much I can delay gratification.  If turned toward reasonable pursuits, maybe I could really get somewhere.

II) 

I wrote an email to a friend where he commented where I was in the healing process.  I retread some of the the ground above, but it also takes the spin of how fortunate I have been both before and after the worst of it. 

This is a second draft of that text:


I don't know if I'd say I'm further along in recovery as much as my trauma was sharp and, all things considered, relatively short.  Before those times, I would say I had an unusually blessed life, particularly adjusted for being a child of the American working class.  By working class I mean the more internationally accepted use of the term, as well as the U.S.'s garbled and relatively new invention. My father was a high school drop out and my mother did not attend college.  She was a homemaker for a few key stretches but had many forays in working retail.  When their work life got too frustrating for either of them, they took turns with who would work while the other would figure something out.  

But, again, I was blessed.  If I had not been an only child, I imagine we would have been in danger of really tough economic decisions and the emotional defects of my parents would have really shown.  Instead, I got to do what I wanted.  The television was always fucking on, but at least if I went into another room there wasn't some sibling there to bother me.  I could live in my head and be as weird as I was without comparisons to some more normal Other that my parents would have no choice but to favor.  Again, I thank all fates that this Other never existed -- I would have seen clearly what base things really thrilled my parents and what an enabler my mother was, and I would have seen these things as a child, rather than have them come to light in my late twenties and through candid conversations with my wife.  Not understanding your parents flaws because they are not openly manifesting themselves . . . now that's a blessed childhood.  

The other component was living so close to grandparents (my father's parents).  You could say that my father was downwardly mobile working class, but considering where my grandpa came from, it might be more accurate to see his income as a temporary spike, riding the wave of U.S. empire, serving in the Korean War, and then working in the National Guard and [redacted] Air Force Base.  He was an unassuming man, frugal rather than cheap, but frugal in a time when his career path meant you could have a stay-at-home wife, retire in your 50s, and with any financial prudence whatsoever could still have a large savings rate. He was an old-school useful man who could make home repairs.  But what was best is that he never felt he had anything better to do then spend time with whoever he was with.  He didn't impose an agenda, he didn't have any way you needed to improve.  Come as you are.  (And, yes, that is also how you get a downwardly mobile child --  but I am more interested in waxing poetic on what is passed right now).  

My grandma was an artist with no need to make money, but who was good enough to sell some pieces and did so to defray some costs of supplies.  But even when she was in the middle of a project, she would drop it for company, and never make you feel you were disrupting anything.  Art was a sponge for her time when there were not people to be present for.  My grandparents had a special grace for life, and were easy people to be around, and though it added to my pain during the darkest years, I am glad I had the good sense to be around them, visiting something like 90% of Sundays from the time I was able to drive until . . . the end.

My father absorbed some of grandparents' nobility.  My wife really noticed it.  It's a kind of un-American accept-you-as-you-are that outsiders can't fully perceive the miracle of if all they have seen is what is how the people in this horrible place act.  To an American, you always need an upgrade, and you should be made aware of that -- but ideally you are made aware of this so subtly that the blame cannot be pinned for the feelings of unease.  Plausible deniability with these bastards. To a Huddleston, on the other hand, you just are.  But the Huddlestons are dead.  

When they died, I was working 80-100 hour weeks, thinking I was changing the world with great teaching and coaching debate.  Death was one thing, but the real trauma was working so much and then spending my weekends with the widows.  I had no time, no space to grieve, but got to be trapped in their competitive grief.  You would think with grandma losing her husband and all of her children, we could just hand her that -- but then you wouldn't know my mother.  Kipling opens the great poem: 
If you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
It often is that second part that makes you finally break.

My Grandpa and father were already dead when, on her birthday, my grandma had a fall and remained on the floor for almost 24 hours before she was found.  She never was to live in her house again.  While she was in rehabilitation, my uncle picked out a room at an assisted living facility.  Before my grandma was moved in, he also died.  My mom was unemployed at the time and this got her way too involved in the situation.  It was fucked up, and typing it up it's kind of humorous -- thinking of an enabler getting outwitted by someone with dementia.  And, again, it was news to me that my mom was an enabler.  I just never had enough demons or bad habits to invoke this tendency in her toward me.  

As for Grandma, while she harmoniously fit into the Huddleston thing when she had her wits, her freedom, and her privileges, I cannot say it was a positive experience when she was far along with dementia.  She was clutching, she was bitter, and she wanted to let me know over and over that my life would never get better -- it was like her dementia catch-phrase for a while there.  But I could have handled all of that better without my mom's bullshit (and I could have handled mom's bullshit better without having to deal with grandma on Sundays).  

I just could not escape.  It hurt and hurt.  Something had to give.  And for a while, that something was my career. 

Well, that's it, really.  Short and sharp, I would say.  And maybe only sharp because I hadn't had life tough enough to deal with bad stuff when it came up (that was a huge part of Grandma's problem, to be honest.  It's hard to imagine a life better than hers until it was suddenly terrible).   One year of trauma, then three years of healing with family stuff being the problem, and lastly one transition year of me trying to find my place. It doesn't bother me at all that it is a place similar to one I've been in before. 

Friday, May 3, 2019

Hospital Lake

Recently, an informational plaque has been put up near the pond in the middle of the Sutton Trails.  It describes how back in the day the pond was called Hospital Lake, and was stocked with fish to feed the mental health hospital.

Hospital Lake was a WPA project.  Many of the things we love in the old core of Norman, the amphitheater, the cool-looking drainage system (pictures below), and now I learn Hospital Lake were built during the one time the United States flirted with being a social democracy.  On, the other hand, most of the boring places that kids, particularly of privileged backgrounds, are so eager to flee were made by private business.  A tragedy of the commons, indeed.

Also, this demonstration of stacking functions -- making a dam for a drainage system, making it into a beautiful "lake" (pond) for the trail system, and then turning it into a source of food production -- seems like a cutting edge idea to our modern ears.  But if you look at a lot of WPA projects, they were done with what should be common sense.   Here, living after the post World War 2 cultural inflection, a complete cultural suicide, it is only now becoming possible to imagine such things as policy *, and hard to imagine them happening.  Just think of the red-tape in getting these different parts of government to work together.

I know that above I seemed to endorse more government spending on public works (I did) and now I am wanting less regulation (in cases like this, with localities, I do), but how does that fit into the left/right dichotomy that is supposed to work for all of our public discourse?  Whose side am I on?  Short answer: the side of people living well.  Longer answer: Mu!  We must stop structuring our investigations of the world as an adversarial debate** between two and only two sides. Also,  almost any time left/right frame comes up it is more important to address the frame than the answer to the question; that just how harmful the frame is.

I think a lot about the idea of "the once and future" town of Norman, Oklahoma.  While to some extent the activities that are invigorating our town, such as murals and the art walk, are copied and pasted from other towns, we can also dig into our past to find precedents for what is now the cutting edge of making a better place to live.



* Assuming I am a representative case.  I understand I am a bit of a radical now, but I was raised I quite conventionally, I think, for someone born in 1984, including lots and lots of cable television.

** When I discovered that the etymology of "debate" was to beat down, think of the "bate" as being related to batter as in assault and battery, I was greatly enlightened to how I had wasted my time in the activity.

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Naming Our Benevolent AI Ruler

This was an experiment in crowd-sourcing. Although, if you follow the threads, maybe it will better to call it distributed cognition.  Or, maybe it is best to look at it as "here are some conversations I had using the internet," because you don't always have to use buzz words.

Basically, I just the follow three subreddits for help naming a would-be benevolent AI ruler.

1) r/askreddit
2) r/slatestarcodex
3) r/namenerds   (based on a recommendation from someone at r/slatestarcodex

I love doing stuff like this because you never know what you are going to see.  It is an example of the searcher's internet. Someone, I assume trying to be dismissive, wrote
Read the Forbin project. Then we will talk. We can have HAL moderate.
The problem with that being that after a google search, I found that's not the title of the book, but the subtitle of the movie.  But still, I had never heard of Colossus: The Forbin Project, and it looks cool.  Here's the last few minutes of the movie:



Even if it is what has now become a stock story, there is such a thing as good stock. The way the synthesizer kinda sucks adds to the creepiness.  You could even go next-level retcon and have the AI choose that voice to be terrifying, the old use of Awe-some, as in inspiring awe.

The r/starslatecodex crowd went heavily into science fiction to come up name candidates, and that was a good part of the brainstorming process.  I really enjoyed being reminded of some great works, and clearly my brain wasn't going to pull them up on its own.

Some back and forth led to the version I am going to use for the concept of a benevolent AI Overlord:

AI-van, like "Ivan," but say an "A" before it.
The full title is AI-van, the Wise and AI-Mighty.

That's just my type of word play.

I really appreciate the recommendation to try r/namenerds, however.  If you want to give your concept of a possible good AI ruler a name, you might consider something from these lists.  One poster went to mythology:
Hera
Nyx
Elpis
Tyche 
Another went with some acronyms:
Global Understanding System (Gus)
Monitoring And Safeguarding Intelligence (Masi)
Global and Interstellar Monitoring System (Gaims)
International Realization Information System (Iris)
Safety And Monitoring (Sam)
Artificially Enlightened Global Information System (Aegis)
Directive Universal Support Information Network (Dustin)
Eternal Rational Information Network (Erin)
The experiment was a total success.  I not only came up with a name I love, there are many options left over for others who want to give a name to hopefully benevolent AI overload that I hope comes to pass.