My wife and I have followed the self-quarantine requests to the best of our ability, but it seems likely that I will be infected with Covid 19 at some point in my life, and if that happens I don't have supreme confidence in my blood-pressure, my kidneys, or my lungs. With every person who died in my life, I gained about 20 pounds. There were even times when I saw certain eating pattern as a form of slow suicide -- and for a very brief time drinking serving that role. I even figured I'd rather die at 50 or 60, pulling up a bit short, rather than go through what 80 looks like with my genes -- none of my grandparents lived to 84, and my father and uncle died before they were 60. I've had a very good life, but I didn't win the longevity lottery, and so I figured I'd eat, drink, and be merry. So it's hard to get too angry about the prospect of my health coming to bite me now. Also, I get that I will probably survive, but I would never want to roll a dice with 10% chance of me dying for any amount of money, let alone for no reason at all.
So let's say this is the last month of my life. What do I want out of the time? I've come up with two things: 1) live perfect, unhurried moments and 2) to read good books. And I suppose even #2 is subsumed in #1. So how are those two things going? Pretty swell.
No TV or noise-making screens until 4:00 PM really does the trick. I'm finally not alone on a sabbatical, but I'm still able to let my mind roam, or let my mind focus, as I wish. Either way, it is a great time. I love walking into a room and seeing cats cuddled by my wife, either as she works or they all nap. I need to stop saying it to my wife, but if that's the last thing I see, that's fine. I remember an acting piece at Nationals where the character said something along the lines of "I don't know if I believe in God, but I believe in cute."
In quarantine there have been days so nice I can open a window and scratch at my writing or math problems while gentle gusts of wind comes in and the bird song is perfect. Some of those moments it is right to stop all work of "head and hand" and to paraphrase Thoreau give myself fully to the bloom of the present moment. I have seen cats sniffing. I have seen cats basking (we have four cats, so there is plenty of cat activity to see). I have seen sunsets, one particularly marvelous. Perfect moments. No hurry. I feel alive.
I made an effort to finish Steven Strogatz's book Infinite Powers, which serves as a great conceptual primer (or deepener) to Calculus and then Ian Stewart's Significant Figures, which gives short biographies of some mathematicians and a quick gloss of their work. I had checked them out from the library a week or so before everything shut down, and had gotten far enough that the pull to finish them was a dominate consideration. After that, however, I decided it was a time to re-read books that had spoken to me the most. The expression here is "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." But if I may die soon, then I think I can tweek my learning budget to what I already know I will like. Besides, the books below were all already in my house.
So, when I'm not harmonizing with wife, cats, or surroundings, what will I be reading?
This can also be called a reading list for the end of the world.
For Sure Read Again (Time Permitting.)
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Godel, Escher, Bach. Hofstadter
I am a Strange Loop. Hofstadter
Pride and Prejudice. Austen
Emma. Austen (Do great books come in twos?)
Romeo and Juliet (Taught it so many times. Can't live without it one more time.)
Midsummer Night's Dream (Oh, this guy is going to have more than two, huh?)
Richard II (All three of the lyrical period)
Richard III (not lyrical, but good, evil fun)
Taming of the Shrew (had shown film versions for an elective class)
The Winter's Tale (It might move me the most)
Metaphors We Live By. Lakoff.
The Lathe of Heaven. Le Guin
The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Kundera
White Noise. DeLillo
Siddhartha. Hesse
Maybe
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The Examined Life. Nozick
Walden. Thoreau
A Pattern Language. Alexander et al.
War and Peace. Tolstoy
The Tragedy of Julius Caeser
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Pirsig
Being There. Kosiński,
Second Nature. Pollan.
Time Enough For Love. Heinlein
Mindhacker Hale-Evans. (short on prose, but long on curiosity and play).
Notably Not Making the Cut
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Infinite Jest
Look, I've read it twice. It's good, but not last thing I read good.
Any history.
If I'm a goner then my role in history is done. Also, since we're in social isolation, will have few free-willing conversations where erudition can bedazzle and impress. These reading experiences are for pure pleasure.
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And no, I don't want to give the impression that I am going to read all the books, even the "for sure" list in a month or two. These are just books that I have loved greatly.
