Thursday, August 2, 2018

The Annotated Guide to Narcissism, Part 2

The first post in the series was the shortest because I just wanted to get the series going.

There are seven html pages that come out for the label “narcissism,” so we have quite a bit of ground to cover.


An Army of Narcissists? No Way  Dec 26, 2006

This piece takes off on the U.S. Army's short lived recruitment slogan "An Army" of one.
 If there was any one organization that I would have thought was in direct opposition to narcissism it would be the military, yet here it is, being specifically promoted.
Again TLP establishes himself as someone who believes our society was (and certainly continues to be) in a state of collapse
 A question for the historians would be whether or not a civilization in decline was aware that it was declining; and if not, what did they think was going on?
 Comedians Tosh, Gaffigan and Hedberg for Narcissism Dec 27, 2006

The thesis of this piece is stand up comedians now often use meta-comedy as a way to placate their narcissistic audiences.
The comedians themselves aren't narcissists; they are tapping into the narcissism of the audience.  The audience is attracted to  these comedians because they get brought in, they get to feel like they are part of the comedy, part of the process, part of the act-- they are behind the curtain, behind the scenes. They're not the performers, but they could be; and at least  their close confidants, and that's a start.
[ . . . ] 
To follow the evolution of this process, go back to the previous leader of comedy: Jerry Seinfeld.  Certainly, his show "about nothing" was about himself, his (feigned) narcissism.  It was the unimportant minutiae of his life blown out of proportion: he was the main character in his own show.  But today's comics play on our desire to be main characters, first in their shows, but of course ultimately in our own. 


If This Is One of The Sexiest Things You've Ever Seen, You May Be a Narcissist Dec 29, 2006

TLP makes it clear that he is talking about a "new narcissism," stating "In the modern times, I think narcissism has evolved."  Thus we need some work on a new definition:
A narcissist isn't necessarily an egotist, someone who thinks they are the best.  A quick screen is an inability to appreciate that other people exist, and have thoughts, feelings, and actions unrelated to the narcissist.  These thoughts don't have to be good ones, but they have to be linked to the narcissist. 
[ . . . ] 
The narcissist believes he is the main character in his own movie.  Everyone else has a supporting role-- everyone around him becomes a "type."  You know how in every romantic comedy, there's always the funny friend who helpes [sic] the main character figure out her relationship?  In the movie, her whole existence is to be there fore [sic]  the main character.  But in real life, that funny friend has her own life; she might even be the main character in her own movie, right?  Well the narcissist wouldn't be able to grasp that. 
As far as I can tell the new narcissism has to do with our modern saturation with images and how that thus compresses our identity into constant image management. (Can it thus be said that narcissism evolved because technology, in particular the media environment, evolved?)
A narcissist looks the same every day; he has a "look" with a defining characteristic: a certain haircut; a mustache; a type of clothing, a tatoo. [sic]  He used these to create an identity in his mind that he will spend a lot of energy keeping up.
[ . . . ]
 Narcissists typically focus on specific things as proxies for their identity. . .  These proxies are also easy to describe but loaded with implication: "I'm married to a blonde."  Saying "blonde" implies something-- e.g.  she's hot-- that might not be true.  But the narcissist has so fetishized "blondeness" that it is disconnected from reality.  The connotations, not the reality, are what matters (especially if other people can't check.)
TLP now develops a bit on the antecedents of becoming a narcissist, which he comments on more in the later piece "What Goes Wrong In A Psychiatrist's Family?" (below).
As a paradigm, the narcissist is the first born (or only) child, aged 2-3.  Everything is about him, and everything is binary.  His, or not his.  Satisfied, or not satisfied.  Hungry, or not hungry.  Mom and Dad are talking to each other and not me?  "Hello!  Focus on me!"  Youngest children don't typicaly [sic] become narcissists because from the moment of their birth, they know there are other characters in the movie.  (Youngest more easily becomes borderline.) Control, of course, is important to a narcissist. If you can imagine a 40 year old man with the ego of a 2 year old, you've got a narcissist.
Ahem.  Also, link to a related piece by Atrios who deserves the hat tip.  I would also like to pull this quote from the "ahem" article to further the discussion of narcissism.  A definition that interacts with what TLP has been developing:
. . . a ceaseless obsession with zero-sum status competition, a desperate Sisyphean pursuit of admiration that is never satisfied, and an unrelenting series of vendettas against those who have questioned his greatness

This Is Not A Narcissistic Injury Dec 31, 2006

. . . the narcissist is the main character in his own movie.  Not necessarily the best, or strongest, but the main character.  A narcissistic injury occurs when the narcissist is confronted with the reality that he is not the main character in his movie; the movie isn't his, and he's just one of 6 billion characters.

This leads to what seems like a large leap in logic, but I would ask anyone to reflect deeply on the narcissists they know to test its veracity.
The violence serves two necessary psychological functions: first, it's the natural byproduct of rage.  Second, the violence perpetuates the link, the relationship, keeps him in the lead role.   "That slut may have had a whole life outside me, but I will make her forever afraid of me."  Or he kills himself-- not because he can't live without her, but because from now on she won't be able to live without thinking about him.  See? Now it's a drama, but the movie goes on.
I've already defended one leap in logic, but let's file the next bit under "interesting claim I am not sure I agree with" or #foodForThought.  Talking about Saddam Hussein and being put to death:
But remaining the main character, he has accomplished the inevitable outcome of such a movie: he has become a martyr.  Even in death, he is still the main character.  That's why the narcissist doesn't fear death.  He continues to live in the minds of others.  That's narcissism.
Not sure how far to take "narcissists don't fear death," It's not like I want to give the nod to some super-power of bravery.  However, it does make sense to say narcissism can short-circuit the instinct for self-preservation.

It is interesting that all of these pieces so far came into being in a "golden month," December 2006.  The insights would continue on heavily for the first few months of the next year.

Borderline Jan 5 2007.

Narcissism- what I believe to be the primary disease of our times-- is one side of a coin.  The other side-- the narcissist's enabler-- is the borderline.
This is important terminology in that it provides explanatory power and moves the discussion to the level of society-wide critique.

Another surprising, but I believe correct, conclusion:
Here's the ironic part: if a borderline was shipwrecked on a desert island with no one around, she'd develop a real identity, of her own, not a reaction to other people.  Sorry, that's not the ironic part, this is: she'd become a narcissist.
An important bonus thought from the comments (which I almost never read, so it's serendipitous that I even saw it).
The DSM is entirely useless for describing character constructs. That's why it seems like narcissism and borderline are two completely separate things (in the DSM) yet I make them out to be parts of one whole. And therein is the problem with psychiatry: reductionism using arbitrary categories.
Neither Is This Is A Narcissistic Injury. Jan 9, 2007.
The narcissist says, "I exist."  A narcissistic injury is you showing him that he does not exist in your life.  Kicking him in the teeth and telling him he is a jerk is not a narcisstic [sic] injury-- because he must therefore exist. 
[. . .] 
But in the latter case where you ignore him, humiliate him-- an actual narcissisitic [sic] injury-- he will want to kill you.
It is here that our author feels a disclaimer is in order (emphasis mine):
And before everyone flames me, I am not trying to give a scientific explanation of the pathogenesis of narcissism.  This is simply one man's opinion of how we can specify what it is, and what it may predict, past or future.  Nor am I suggesting this isn't "treatable"-- anyone can change.  It may not be easy, but it is always possible.
Nearly any American reading this should see things that apply to themselves, not just a mental bludgeon to judge everyone else.  Narcissism has been the gravitational pull of our culture at least since World War II (people who grew up in rural areas were culturally excluded from the roaring 20s).

What Goes Wrong In A Psychiatrist's Family? Feb 2, 2007.
In my experience (see, there's my disclaimer) psychiatrist-parents go wrong in a very specific way. They judge behavior, not the person.  It sounds like a good thing, I know.  For kids, it's a disaster. 
[. . . ] 
If you tell a kid that a behavior is unacceptable, the kid has learned nothing about himself; he's only learned that this one thing is something he can't do. But if you make the kid own it-- make the behavior part of his identity, then he has a chance to change his identity. 
[. . . ] 
I understand the trickiness of this; you don't want to make the kid feel like he is a bad person.  But you do have to find a way to teach him that if he does that thing again and again, then he is a bad person.  Is that what he wants?  Who are you, kid?  Who do you want to be?  This also allows his to take personal credit for doing something good.
The counter-intuitive (at least to a narcissist) subject of motivation is covered in Alfie Kohn's book Punished by Rewards.  It shows that neither punishment nor rewards are the deepest sources of motivation, but that identity is a much better candidate for raising children. 

There's a second lurking trouble: parents' control of their affect.  
The psychiatrist isn't supposed to get mad at his patient; but then he comes home, and tries very hard not to get mad at his kid-- just tells him the behavior is unacceptable, gives him a time out, whatever.  But guess what?  The psychiatrist is exhausted, eventually his patience runs out, and BAM! a tsunami of anger.
This makes what is right and wrong seem arbitrary, up to the person who has the power.  TLP also points out this contributes to the borderline personality type established above.

Lost TV Series: Desmond's Fear and Trembling. Feb 15, 2007.

Talks about an episode of television show Lost and the arc of one of the characters. then at the end gets into Kierkegaard and choosing to believe in something.
It's narcissism done the right way.  And, I suspect, it's the secret to a meaningful life: picking an existence that is of value to more than just yourself, even if that existence defies the logic of reality-- your biology, your environment, and, of course, everyone else.  And once you have chosen who you want to be, once you have defined the parameters of this life, you force it to be true, as real as any gene or social factor.
So we get to conclude here on a possibly positive note.

Update: project discontinued.  I encourage you to read through the blog and the tag "narcissism" for yourself. 

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Round Up #13

Anti-Web Addiction

I have added the Focus chrome extension, and I couldn't be happier with it.  You select websites that are time-wasters, and it will block those sites for you for a set amount of time.  The default amount of time is 25 minutes, but I set the time for 8 hours.  The sites I have set to block during that time is Twitter, You-tube and Espn.  This way I check them once, maybe twice a day.


Aphorisms/Shorts

To be on record saying there is nothing of worthwhile in world literature is to admit to being too ignorant or too stupid to pattern-match whole classes of human knowledge.

Contempt brain is stupid brain.  It doesn't really matter how smart you would be otherwise.

Writing "I'm waiting" or "I'll wait" on an online conversation shows you are a stupid, narcissistic baby that doesn't know how communication, relationships, or even the internet works.

I'd think about defending the American Way of Life after World War II, but there isn't one.

Trump is just what would have happened if Jay Gatsby had started out with money.

We can be very precise only about things that have almost no meaning.

"Of course there is still hope. . . because I'm special.  I'll figure out a way for the powerful to listen to me.  . . . They'll be ashamed of themselves, just like my other servants who clean up my messes."

Thursday, July 19, 2018

The Annotated Guide to Narcissism, Part 1

Reading the Uruk Series turned me on to the-- unfortunately now defunct-- blog The Last Psychiatrist, which has the best writing I have ever seen on the nature of narcissism is general, but in particular the American version we all get to live with here in the twilight of an empire.  Curiosity compelled me to see how all the blog's writing under the label “narcissism.”

What follows is survey of the blog posts, trying to extract some of the most valuable quotes and ideas.

+ + +

Our journey into narcissism begins with a relatively short post, entitled "Murder-Suicide" written over a year after the blog’s inception.  I have only read a few of those earlier posts, but they more about neuro-chemical, neuro-biological side of psychiatrist, which was what I thought the dividing line between psychology and psychiatry.  The tone of the earliest ones was heavily professional, trying to lean on research.

The first piece in the corpus isn't spectacular, but it ends with a kind of declaration:

The societal question is what has happened to many men that they are unable to define themselves, or affirm their value, except through another person.  And "love"-- or its distortion-- and aggression are closely linked in such people.  But that's narcissism, and it's the disease of our times. (emphasis mine)

The next piece comes later in the same month on December 17, 2006, commenting on when Time magazine, "inspired" by web 2.0 made "You -- Yes You" the Person of the Year.  This is one of

After first explaining how the author misused a quote, TLP (The Last Psychiatrist) writes:
So Grossman is not really paraphrasing Carlyle correctly.  This is important because Grossman is a book critic with a PhD from Harvard in comparative literature.  Either he simply did not know this about Carlyle, which I have to assume is impossible, or it didn't matter: he commandeered the quote, stripped it of the meaning Carlyle intended and used it the way he needed to use it.  And that exactly describes the problem:  truth and reality aren't important, what's important is you.
This is from 2006.  Just think about how this dynamic has developed metastasized over last 12 years.

I've come up with my own term, a Stan, which means STandard American Narcissist.  It is here that TLP begins describing what makes a Stan a Stan:
Being on YouTube, having a blog, having an iPod, being on MySpace-- all of these things are self-validating, they allow that illusion that is so important to narcissists: that we are the main characters in a movie.  Not that we're the best, or the good guys, but the main characters. That everyone around us is supporting cast; the funny friend, the crazy ex, the neurotic mother, the egotistical date, etc.  That makes reminders of our insignificance even more infuriating.
Next, another quote that elaborates on being a standard American narcissist.
I'm not saying each of us as individuals is insignificant. We should, could, matter. But to protect ourselves from an existential implosion,  we decide to define ourselves through images and signs, rather than behaviors; lacking an identity founded in anything real makes us vulnerable to anger, resentment.  But no guilt, ever.  The narcissist never feels guilt.  He feels shame.
The last claim really struck me.  It’s probably too absolute, but turning it over in my head, I see what it is broadly correct.  I'd say that a Stan starts building up stories involving grievances and indignation to try to push (more like batter) guilt away.  This makes America a land of Iago’s, not MacBeth’s, something I plan on writing an essay about some day.

And lastly, the prediction (keeping in mind this was 2006):
It can't last.  If society chooses to make narcissism the default, it's going to have to deal with society-wide narcissistic injuries-- when we suddenly realize that it isn't solely our movie and we're really not the main character.  And no one wants to see this stupid movie anyway.  This inevitably leads to violence . . .

Aphorism disclaimer.

No aphorism is 100% true for 100% of the time.  That’s not how aphorisms, or language, even remotely works.  (See, even that was written in punchy aphorism form.  I have a problem.)

I tend to think in aphorisms.  It does great harm to my writing style because I often have a hard time elaborating enough to fill out a normal-size piece of writing.  Also, I am not popular enough and my thoughts are not conventional enough to work on anti-social media.

Because of this I plan to write more pieces where I quote an aphorism and try to elaborate a bit.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Round Up #12

Where Have I Been?

Oh, working, reading.  But this time reading books, lots of books.  Books are better than the internet.


From Surfing the Web


The Uruk Series is a remarkable explanation of the forces that lead to the narcissism and nihilism of our age.

The above led me to The Last Psychiatrist.

The Long Now Foundation is putting together a library of books meant to be able to rebuild civilization.  [An article from Open Culture]

An excellent primer on estimation-based prop bet games you can play -- with the crown jewel being "Lodden Thinks"


Aphorisms/Shorts

Nihilism isn't quite the panacea you kids seem to think it is.

We have a geneation that nearly universally self-reports mental illnesses and then turns around and uses the fact that some guy, somewhere, went off on avocado toast to insulate themselves from all criticism.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Round Up #11

Money Quotes From . . .  


Aphorisms/Shorts

Privilege is too often confused for competence, even when you adjust for the fact that competence over the long run can lead to privileges.

. . .even IF I grant (for arguments sake) that competence is necessary for privilege in modern society, it is not sufficient.

Kids love to see themselves.  They are such narcissists.  But, then, they should want to see themselves.  That is the illusion that makes life, along with identity and the powerful play, even possible.

"Con-men are probably smarter than their marks. But that doesn’t justify fraud."  Source. I find this to be a very elegant way to wrap up many IQ debates.

Interesting is easier to hack than beautiful.  Hence, prioritize the beautiful over the interesting . . . especially in interesting times.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

An e Day Offering


Statement of actionability: if you want to memorize 100 digits of e, particularly using the major memory system, this is completely actionable to you.


I've seen estimates of the number of atoms in the universe at to the . . . somewhere in the 80th power.  The highest one I've seen in 82nd.  So, I have no problem capping the number I memorize of both e and pi at 100.  In the case of pi, I don't think I'll need a circle the size of the known universe, and more accurate than the last atom.  With e, I just don't think I'll ever be benefiting from a continual compounding of interest that has me owning every atom in the universe either.


e
2.718281828459045235360287471352662497757247093699959574966967627724076630353547594571382178525166427  4


If you have some experience memorizing things with a system using visuals, you can probably skip this next paragraph, which is only meant to give context, and perhaps to set the mood.

Imagine a young man named Nick, from the wrong side of tracks.  He longs for a girl, named here the diva forevermore.  But it's not meant to be, so pulls a knife on a young child named Dave, we presume to get a ransom -- it is not stated within the first digits of e.  He is not altogether kind in his treatment to Dave, but he is arrested, and feels crushed by the legal system.  He dies in jail, and through an act of grace makes it to heaven, ready to start a new life.  

Using the Major Memory System, that makes for the following:

  1. Nick looked at one last time at the diva  2718
  2.  and took a knife to Dave,    2818
  3. who is a nephew of a royal. 2845
  4. He threw the booze over the rail.  9045  
  5. Yelling to his enemies that he was going on the lamb. 2353
  6. Bits of cheese were still visible on the knife 6028
  7. "Come to the car, kid" he said  7471
  8.  with a smile and a nudge. 3526
  9.  He then grabbed his chin and got a rope 6249
  10.  made a gag and drove toward the lake 7757
  11.  going on a narrow that passed some cows 2470
  12.  His escaping depending on either a bomb or a ship. 9369
  13.  Like a baby his lip trembled. 9959
  14.  When upon reaching the lake he was hit in the rib 5749
  15.  The judge looked boyish 6696
  16.  and had just the cage for Nick 7627
  17.  who thought about his queen, his rose  7240
  18.  and about his gash . . . and more so his shame 7663
  19.  He was like sumo who was lame 0353
  20.  His lawyer, of course, had no clue 5475
  21.  He was poor, so he had no luck 9457
  22.  And went to his tomb, and then to heaven 1382
  23.  Where he saw his dog, who did not notice his past folly. 1785
  24.  Running like the Nile, he grabbed a tissue 2516
  25.  It was a new shore for Nick   6427
I like how our story starts with Nick and ends with Nick.  It starts with him somewhat sympathetic, goes to a dark place, but leads to redemption.

If you wanted a hundred decimal places after the "two", instead of 100 digits of e including the "two", the next digit is 4.  You could use the line "This is what he had waited for."  I just remember, "oh, yeah, put a 4."

Monday, January 22, 2018

Round Up #10

Aphorisms/Shorts

Competition is good for the brain.  Domination is terrible for the brain, let alone the soul.

In these times, I think it is more important to find what is beautiful than to think about what is important.  [context]

When the American project is over, those with a conservative temperament (low openness, high disgust at disorder) will simply find another story for why then-dominate groups deserve more.

From the Web

A great article on Why Space colonization is not a realistic option.  This is the first time I had stumbled upon the Do the Math blog.

Also, it is good to find a formalized demonstration that our problem is that most personality types are probably not capable of seeking out and really believing the message that growth must have limits.

So, Will the World Economy Continue to Roll Along in 2018?


Popular Culture

You will be Rick Rolled in the best way in this brilliant video. Please watch it if you have not seen it before.



Reddit

In answering a question on the r/InfiniteJest sub, I think I came up with a good rationale to read the book, and perhaps a worthy comment about life:
Read on. When you get to the end-game of the book you'll see scenes where characters who have been established as having quite limited vocabularies having discussions that are summarized by the narrator in the hyper-philosophical language. 
Saying much more would verge on spoilers, but when I read it, I had this glow that DFW was saying we all think big thoughts from time to time (for some people, only when they are high). We find our grist for them in language. . . and in how we deal with pain. 
The book starts in what looks like an elitist place, but moves to be a celebration of the struggles of common people.
Apparently the best thing I did with my life since the last update, from a popularity standpoint, is make a pun about the rape plant on on etymology thread.

Twitter.


This was from a fun tweet showing that science fiction has never been apolitical.





Sunday, January 21, 2018

Predictions for 2018

The number of deaths from drug overdose will be over 50,000. 70%  Data point. [Yes, but I'm happy to say the rate decline source]

The suicide rate in the U.S. will be highest recorded. 60%  Update: highest since WWII.

2018 will be one of 3 hottest years ever recorded.  80%

The Warriors will win the NBA title 80%

Ratings for NBA finals will be lower than 2017. 60%

I make more money in 2018 that 2017.  80%.

One of my blog posts will get over 1,000 views.  70%

On-Going Multi-Year Predictions (All from 2017)


2017-A. US will experience recession within 5 years. (ie by 2022) 80%

If 2017-A. . .
    2017-A1 Multiple banks/big financial institutions will fail. 70%

           If 2017-A1 . . .   
               2017-A2. Bankers will be punished more severally than after 2008. 90%   (nul, since conditional was void). 

[Looks like I didn't understand how effectively the Fed can continue to create liquidity].

2017-B. Trump will not serve full term 60%   [Much, much less confident now, would probably now make it 3%]
2017-C. Dems will not re-take Senate in 2018. 80%
2017-D. Dems will not gain net-seats in Senate 2018. 60%
2017-E. I will do 100 push ups in a set by 2020. 70%
2017-F. I will not work again as full-time teacher next 5 years. 60%  I'm already back at it!